Our Ability to Serve Depends on Our Willingness to Be Seen

Hi there, welcome to this week’s program. My guest today is a woman whose voice triggers an intriguing blend of excitement, along with an inner sense of peace within us –her name Rebecca hall Gruyter. Now you may indeed already be familiar with Rebecca, since she is the host of her own show on VoiceAmerica entitled “Empowering Women, Transforming Lives.” Her raise on a reason for being is centered on helping women to bring their purpose to life through their work. She’s not only a masterful speaker herself, but has multiplied her own talent into a Speaker’s talent search that matches from throughout North America, with industry and community leaders along with broadcasters, her looking for a high-quality presenters who will fit with their niche audiences. Now the aspect of Rebecca’s magic that I am most intrigued by is how she’s gone from finding her own voice and purpose into creating just not her own radio show, but going into and developing both a radio and TV channel. Two channels, two media on Voice America, all of which are dedicated to empowering women from around the world. And my advice for listening to this week’s show is to relax into her message and listen with your heart. Only then will you be able to receive the full wisdom that she has to offer us about uncovering our purpose and how to bring into the world.

Lesley:  Well welcome, Rebecca, to the program and as I stated in the intro “A woman of many means.” And I would like to start with this question, how did you go from thinking about doing a TV show to commandeering an entire TV channel on VoiceAmerica?

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Rebecca: Well, first of all, I want to thank you for having me today, it’s a real honor and I’m very happy to answer that question. There are actually two parts to it when I originally stepped into radio, and to media it was a world that was very need to me. It wasn’t on my list of things to do, it’s on my list of things not to do—all the things I was afraid of. Radio is one of them, television, anything you have it you do it with camera film, videoing, anything like that being recorded was also on that list. And I discovered as I leaned into radio they saw potential in me, they knew what to look for in messengers that are called “deserve.” And so, I entrusted them with my message and got to step into VoiceAmerica and into radio and discovered. I loved it. And, we went along for a while; the show became number one on the women’s channel. It’s been syndicated all these different places, and then the time came for the contract renewal. And when I receive the contract, I will leave you then I’m a businesswoman. I read contracts and I read it several times. But, we can kind of understand what we can understand and absorb at certain times and we read them what we want to read and that’s what happened to me. I read that they were giving me a television show. And I felt, “Wow! That’s amazing, that’s a stretch, that’s scary but I think I can do that.” I entrust them. I know they know my heart, they know my vision to touch the world in a positive way and really make a difference. So I will entrust that even though it scares me and stretches me, I will say yes and so I did. I signed on a data of lines, limit it, set up a meeting because of proactive. I want to make sure I know the steps, the things I’m supposed to do. And a couple of weeks later, maybe a month later, I’m on a call with my executive producer and head of TV for VoiceAmerica and I’m wanting to know what do I need to do, what do I build, where do I start, how do I create the show, all of those things. And he was happy to answer these questions, and then he asked me a question, it goes, “Rebecca this is great! We’ve talked about your show, now when are you going to launch your channel?” And I was silent for a couple of beats, but I’ve already signed the contract that’s running through my head. And I already thought, “Well, I don’t want to embarrass my executive producer, I’ve already said yes.” So I go, “January, I think I can do anything by January, right?” It was August. “Sure January and it is too long.” I said, “Well, um, I guess October?” He goes, “15th done.” Eventually we pushed it back to the first week of November. But, with that creative for me was I couldn’t be worried, I had to just push forward and discover why I learn what I needed to learn and what became very clear to me in that process and that journey. First day I was freaking out. I called my executive producer Robert probably seven times, you know, “How could you give this to me? What are you guys thinking? I don’t understand, I don’t know any of these. You’re entrusting me with this, are you guys crazy?” That was the first conversation. And then, by the seventh call, he goes, “Hi Rebecca, who I love, what can I do for you?” And I said, “Well, this is my channel right?” He says, “Yeah.” “I can do anything I want with it.” “Yes.” “Here’s what I know that if it were about me and my message alone I would’ve been given a show, but it’s not, it’s bigger than me. I’ve been given the opportunity to create a platform to bring transformational messengers to the world. That’s what I’m going to do. I’m going to build this show with people, and shows and thing that are being birthed that will make a positive difference in the world. That’s what I’m going to build and it’s called ‘Empowered Connections TV.’ Can I do that?” He goes, “That’s the Rebecca I know, absolutely let’s build it.”


Lesley:  So, you knew actually deep inside exactly what you’re being called to do, but it required that circumstance to push you through that a lot with the conclusion. Because, I mean, everything you do from the speaker’s circuit to your getting speakers in front of industry leaders to make connections, all of this is about spreading the word through multiple people and connected multiple people to this kind of empowered voice.


Rebecca: Exactly. I know very clearly and this evolved over time. I didn’t necessarily know it in this way originally that I am called to make a global difference. But it’s not a global difference with just my name or just my message. It’s really creating a pathway to make a global difference and platforms where all of us messengers that are called to touch the world can because the world needs us.


Lesley:  It absolutely do and you have done a brilliant job in stepping into that space. And because this program is about women who lead and you’re clearly a woman who is leading, I was struck by one of the statements that you made in one of your shows and it was that “Leadership is a choice.” And, I think we all intuitively understand I’m making the choice to lead that it’s much more than just yes or no. And so you made the choice to step into that leadership role in terms of the television channel, what do you see as what’s underneath this making the choice to lead?


Rebecca: I’ve heard it phrased in different ways and what’s coming forth as we’re talking right now is a way to explain it because there are a lot of dimensions. I believe in layers to it both energetically, emotionally and in our journeys to that question and the response. But there’s really a willingness to bring what’s being birthed within you forward that you’re not just waiting for it to found a place helping that whatever it comes. You’re willing to lead it in that direction to become what you need to become, to go where you’re called to go. A lot of times we don’t have the whole plan laid out. We don’t really even know what we don’t know, and sometimes that’s a blessing than we be afraid of that, or concerned or whatever. I have learned with leadership it is this “yes” and then it’s “what do I need to do next? How can I step into this place? What do I need to learn and willing to be someone that’s learning, and growing, and stretching and be willing to be a little uncomfortable in the process to go where you want to go that you haven’t been before and then bringing people with you?” I think those all fit within that choice and that leadership, and we get to choose every day, every breath. It’s not forced upon us when we’re in that place where I have to. That’s a very disempowering place. But when we can take a breath-by-breath choice, I choose this. I choose to be this way today. I choose to go this direction and our leadership.


Lesley:  I definitely found your notion of breath-by-breath as supposed to step-by-step really invigorating because it is with each breath we make choices. And it’s through our breath that we get connected to some deeper outer areas of ourselves that really allow that wisdom to surface. And what I observed, and see and we talked about this is that you are in rooms with hundreds if not thousands of people and you often ask the question, “Who in this room has a calling on their heart that they feel and need to take to the world?” and you say about 100% people put up their hands. And then you ask the follow-up question which is related to “How many of you feel you’re actually being seen in terms of that calling?” and the numbers traumatically dropped. So, why do you feel that especially women have this innate belief in themselves that they have a calling but have somehow struggled around being seen?


Rebecca: I think there is vulnerability, well not that I think know there’s vulnerability and being willing to be seen. And I believe we operate and see this belief that isn’t true that if we say yes to the calling, we say yes to how we’re called to serve, we work on ourselves, we work through our things. We were willing to bring that forward that somehow people will innately know that and just come to us, and we end up becoming the best kept secret. And when that happens, the world misses out. Nobody else has your calling, your way, your gifts, your journey, your story. And what I lovingly share with these audiences is that actually it’s your responsibility.


Lesley:  Yes, it’s absolutely your responsibility. And I like the term that you’ve used which is “You’re ability to serve is limited by your ability to be seen.” And so as we step into that responsibility and I love the fact that you put it squarely on our shoulders, which is “If this is what you want, then this is your responsibility to make it happen.” How does one go about crafting a description of what this calling is and how I’m going to take it to the world? What is that discovery process that I need to go through to become clear?


Rebecca: It starts within ourselves and really spending time listening to what it is that we’re called to bring forward, sometimes we can get that information by paying attention. Sometimes we’re not always paying attention to ourselves and things, we’re just moving along unto the next thing. But really listening, “Wow, that clicked into my heart and my spirit. I feel good, I feel energized. I like that connection.” I love that they responded in that way and it fed me. It’s because using your gifts and your calling will actually feed you. I’m trying to think of the term where it will serves you and serves them, and you’re both lifted up by it. Those are indicators that you’re on your path that you’re really touching into what you are called to bring forward. Those are indicators. And then paying attention to who are the people, or the things, or the process, whatever it is the way you’re called to serve that when you do that it keeps raising your energy. You keep wanting to do more. You could do it all day long; you’re always track of time. And then start paying attention to ways that you can do more of that, the words, and the language and test market things. Don’t be afraid to try different ways to express it until you find the lens that you get a response. When I was in the financial field I tried a lot of different ways to help people understand my heart in the financial world and how it could really empower people in that way.


Lesley:  Okay. Just stop there for a second because I think you got to take that one in. The financial field and your heart, okay very interesting combo, what was the offering that you are making to bridge those to realities together?


Rebecca: I finally found a phrase that worked but I tried a lot of different things. These networking groups are a great way to try out some marketing and see. And when I stood up one day and, and said, “I hope to make a heart connection with your money.”


Lesley:  Whoa! Not that I’m saying “Yeah.”


Rebecca: And that was the response, and it’s not that it explained everything but it caught the energy wave. it was a different way of talking about money, and people who responded leaned in and they were my people.


Lesley:  And as you put it, your people are the ones that energize you. So they’re energized by the same kind of thing that energizes the inner part of you to connect to them. So, I’m just intrigued, just for a moment, can you take us on a mini story or a description of what you would be doing with people connecting them to their money with their heart?


Rebecca: Sure. In the financial industry I was a financial adviser for about 15 years in all different kinds of ways, companies, families, individuals and had my own practice but I did retire about a year and a half, two years ago to do this fulltime. But what would do as I learned very quickly as a financial adviser I could lay these brilliant plans before people, money and numbers speak to me. I love it; I can just see how it plays out. I would lay it before them and people wouldn’t it, it would go in the shelf.


Lesley:  Yap, I understand that completely.


Rebecca: And I got really puzzled by this, and I didn’t like that they weren’t using something I could see that could serve them. And I guess I had to take responsibility, I was the consistent factor in that. What I discovered is I was in the center, it was my plan not theirs.


Lesley:  Yes, indeed. And so you switched that.


Rebecca: Yap I switched that and not only put them front and center, but I empowered them on the journey because I also learn that there’s this whole emotional side that as a financial adviser and I trained certification it’s never talked about.


Lesley:  Yeah, and it’s massive. It is actually, you know, money is an energy form. So, if we’re not relating to it energetically or we’re stumbling with it energetically then we’re blocked, and that is a big piece of becoming clear with our relationship to money.


Rebecca: Exactly. And the biggest thing because I found it wasn’t dependent on assets. I worked with people that were just starting, restarting, climbing out of debt all the way to multi-millionaires. I worked with a whole range and all of the places in that, all along the spectrum, there was a discomfort with money because those are my people. I was called a “Sir” –uncomfortable. And I learned that if I could actually help them really build the relationship they want just like we do in everything else or other relationships. We can build the relationship we want, believe to lead it. It’s the same thing with money. And giving them the tools and ability to do that, and giving them enough information that they could make a decision but I wouldn’t make it for them. Even though they trusted me, and they would tell me, “Just tell me what to do.” I would say, “I’m not going to because this is your plan, this is your life, this is what matters to you and that you need to be leading that. But let me give you the information so that you can make a decision that serves you, and it needs to be dependent on you not me. If I get hit by a bus tomorrow, I want your plan to move forward. So let me walk you through the information and we’ll take it step by step.”


Lesley:  Just to underline the fact that you had already determined that your people were those who were uncomfortable with money and had an emotional disconnect to it. So, you know, it sounds like, “Okay, yeah, I can see that that being the case.” But coming to that conclusion takes a lot of soul searching that that’s really what you’re being called to do. Not just simply putting financial plans together and helping people to increase our asset base, but actually going deeper into “What’s the conundrum that my people have that I’m here to serve?”


Rebecca: Exactly. “And who are my people specifically?” and it was a journey, it really didn’t happen overnight. I’m really good at expanding and growing things, and so I would just grow everything. “Yes I can help either. I can do that too, let’s do it.” And after a while, I was trying to serve everyone in all these different ways, it was draining and not that I couldn’t help them in some ways. But when my practice got to a point where I was running me, and I had some personal crises which I know we’ve talked about. I had to really look at what I was doing and that wasn’t sustainable, I couldn’t keep doing it. Now that my husband has been in accident, I have been in accident, I was a caregiver, I was juggling all these different things… So how do I keep serving the people I’m called to serve? So I have to make choices and really decide who my people were, and then end up giving away—not selling—half of my practice. And when I did that, I really determined who my people were and that’s the conclusion I came to. They wanted a long term relationship. We’re building something bigger than just one piece of a financial picture. I wasn’t an order taker, it was an integral part that we’re really building something that’s going to serve them and they had something deep within them. They were called to bring forward, and money was going to be a part of that. Those were my people.


Lesley:  Wow. I mean, that to me is a fantastic description of a target market which connects you to them in a very integral way. So along the way you are becoming aware of who you’re being called to serve and with what are you being called to serve and you stood up that day and said “Here’s my offer…” And the notion of creating an offer to which somebody can say yes, tell me about goes into that crafting of that offer? How do I go about creating that?


Rebecca: And I’m actually smiling in from ear to ear, here I get very excited talking about offers. And here’s why because that a critical moment for you and for the people you’re sharing it with, it’s a gift. It really is an offering. You’re not selling something. That can happen in the process but you’re offering an opportunity for somebody to move forward in a direction with you. That’s what you’re offering. And when we make an offer, the energy goes crazy in the room. It goes crazy in our conversations because their money stuff comes up, your money stuff comes up, all of the things attached to it, and everyone’s telling different stories to themselves and no one’s even hearing each other anymore. And it’s this fog of energy and what I find happens in that space is that if it’s in a speaking situation, the speaker then literally back up. You can feel that pulse of energy and the mixture that’s going on there. And so a lot of times unconsciously speakers will step back creating space.


Lesley:  Hmm, as supposed to leaning in.


Rebecca: Exactly. But what it communicates to your audience, those people receiving your offer, when you get quieter, when you get more still when you pull away because you’re trying to hold this space, you’re actually saying, “I’m not here.” They can’t hear you. You’re showing them as you back up, “I’m saying one thing and I’m doing another.”


Lesley:  Well, I wanted to just clarify this too because I think that what you’ve created is magnificent aside from the television channel, and the radio show, and your speaking circuit and all of that, you have created this Speaker Talent Search, which is where you have around the country of the US different showcases where you bring in people who are seeking people with messages that they would like to create space for, sponsor or whatever. So industry leaders, broadcast leaders, and you put in front of them the finalists of these speakers that you have identified, you’ve worked with in terms of them creating their offer. Seven minutes is given to these finalists to present their message and themselves to this industry, broadcast leaders. And in that seven minutes they have to put forward what they’re offering. And so, how does a speaker create an offer that will connect to the appropriate broadcaster or industry leader?


Rebecca: You’ll start with who you’re called to serve. Always be true to that. You don’t ever change or shift an offer to be something you’re not called to do, it will energetically show up. So you’ll always start with who you are, what you’re bringing for, who your people are. That’s the language you want to use with them. And when you’re crafting especially a 7-minute kind of presentation, you want to have the end in mind. You want to know where you’re leading them. Sometimes, people do presentation then you can see them almost step into different places over time, and it doesn’t always even connect what they were talking about. And so, again, that creates a fog that makes it hard for people to understand because energetically this is how were connecting with you. And so it’s important to start end in mind where you’re going with this, what are you going to be offering their people so they can get served by what you’re saying you can do in their life. So you want to make sure all of that fits together. It’s important to always share your “why.” The offer is not a separate piece, it’s part of it. It really is.


Lesley:  Well, seven minutes is a magic number. Because I remember when I was going out a number of years ago seeking venture capital that most venture capital forms were seven minutes. So you had seven minutes to sell what it was the business, the product, whatever you are bringing to the investors, and in that seven minutes grab their attention and often for millions of dollars. So how you start is where you need to finish. It’s as you say, you can’t create business a separate piece, it has to be integral to the message that you’re wanting to leave the audience with at the end of your seven minutes.


Rebecca: Exactly because they’re just meeting you. They need to hear it a couple of times throughout your presentation, and the way to make an offer powerful is dial up the energy not pull back. Dial it up actually physically, lean in, be excited. Don’t offer something they’re not excited about. You need to be really excited. “This is how I can change your life, and I’m so excited I can bring it to you in this way.”


Lesley:  Absolutely fascinating. And you’ve said that in some of the prep work that your speakers go through, they actually act out or do something quite different to bring that energy up. So it’s not just limited to be standing there and trying to use my arm gestures in a more sympatic way, it’s actually moving the audience to some kind of kinesthetic or some kind of action that they feel it in them as well you feeling it in you.


Rebecca: Absolutely. One of the biggest gifts we can give anyone that we turn offer with is sharing, again it’s a gift. You’re sharing. You’re reaching their hand out, they can choose to take it or not that you’re giving this to them is to actually help them know if they should take your hand or not.


Lesley:  How interesting. So that they’re confident that when they say yes, that the yes is an automatic reaction from them because you’re touched something within them that is a yes. “This is exactly what I’m looking for.”


Rebecca: Well no. And those are fine too. You want a “yes” people saying yes, then “no” people say no. And if you can help them have that clarity, that is a gift.


Lesley:  Oh my gosh, the no is as powerful as the yes because it’s always how de-energizing when we’re in something that we’re not supposed to be in, or it’s just not part of our energetic imprint in terms of showing up and that’s an important piece of clarity.


Rebecca: Yes. And sometimes people need a little bit of time to process. So if in seven minutes it’s a little challenging to do that— you can—like giving them a pause or a moment to check in with themselves. Without pressure you need to act now and run to the back of the room, you can certain audiences that works. But I find my people—the ones I’m really called to serve—are actually processing energy and getting information on a lot of different levels. So they’re best served if I can hold space and help them listen internally and externally as they’re making a decision. Give them guides. “Here’s how you know, this is a yes. Here’s how you know, this is a no. And I honor both. You’re still in my community. I still love you whether it’s a yes or no, but if this is how you know if this piece is going to move you forward.”


Lesley:  So this type of clarity that you have to have to be able to do that is really pristine.


Rebecca: Yes.


Lesley:  And I think that’s what I’m taking away from our time together is that I can have my heartbeat raise when I’m interacting in terms of my calling. But it takes a deep piece of work to really crystalize what exactly is it that I am offering, and to whom am I really offering it to, and what is the yes crowd and what is the no crowd? And I think that that’s where a lot of us miss out is that once we get the heartbeat going, we think, “Okay I got it. This is it.” Right? And we don’t do that really important piece of work that you’ve actually clarified for us in terms of making that offer.


Rebecca: And it’s so important because you’re going to be able to have people that then won’t back out, they won’t regret the decision they made. They’re not going to start to get stressed, and step forward a little bit and then back out, or maybe you discover a pathway through the process that really is in a yes. And it can be a strange relationship that takes a lot of energy that doesn’t best serve them or you, whereas you could have three other people with that same energy level that you could be serving and it would be right on target for them. That clarity is so important in honoring the yes and no. And what I actually do in my presentations is after the offer after holding that space having them make a decision, I always end this community.


Lesley:  And how do you do that?


Rebecca: I do it in different ways with different audiences, but a common way is I give everyone flower pins and I make them. My grandmother used to make these and they’re just a pin, about playing pin with a flower on it and tape wrapped around, and she used to do it brighten people’s lives. She would give them away. For me, it became a symbol of how are all part of the garden of life with our own fragrance, our own color, our own season, our own way of showing up in the world. And I will actually have them stand and lift their flower and observe those things about them, and I will do that in different ways. And sometimes I’ll have them bring the flowers down but still stand, some people. And I want them to notice, “Please notice, you’re still occupying this space but our world just became less vibrant.”


Lesley:  Yes indeed. Oh my gosh, what a beautiful way to create that kind of closure, but closure on a note of community and then lifting them high so that we end that way. Well, you know, I am so glad that you leaned in and said yes to having this conversation with me today. And I am absolutely sure that the audience is delighted that you not only leaned in and say yes, but they can find you and see and experience a lot more of you, and I’m going to let them know exactly how to do that.

Rebecca: I would be so honored. And thank you again for having me, it’s been absolute pleasure.


Lesley:  Thanks Rebecca.


So after this show you need to take a deep breath, and ask those three questions “What is my unique gift? Who are my people, those who I’m specifically being called “Sir,” and what is my compelling offer that I wish to make to them?” What Rebecca is reminding us is that we’re each encoded with a unique gift that we’re to bring forth into the world. Nobody else has the responsibility to define it and manifest it other than us; it is ours for the making. The key is that we know we’ve got it when we feel that insatiable surge of energy that just keeps us going, because this is what we’re here to do. Of course over life we may have several different callings, but the key is to be inside of that energy zone and that’s how we know we’re on the right path. In terms of this fear of influence there are number, some of us are here to serve our families, others maybe our community, then again it could be on a national stage or on Rebecca’s case “globally.” It is important to know that no one’s fear is better than the other. Bigger is not better. As to that fear of influence, let’s not forget that the cornerstone of our economy is indeed the family unit. Our society’s well-being is as strong as the families who make up our economy—hmm something to think about. Well you definitely can find Rebecca. She’s in a number of places and here are just some of them. In terms of her work, you can find her at yourpurposedrivenpractice.com, for her radio show empoweringwomentransforminglives.com, her TV channel is empoweredconnectionstv.com, on Facebook she is R. Hall Gruyter R-H-A-L-L-G-R-U-Y-T-E-R, also on Linkedin as Rebella Hall Gruyter. And just as we have said in the interview, if you’re interested in this speaker series that she’s offering and the talent search, you can find that on speakertalentsearch.com. Well, you know where to find me lesleysouthwicktrask.com and on Facebook “Women Who Lead Radio Show.” Do check us out. We’ve got posts going all through the week, all unique posts, so come on over and take a look and of course at womenwholead.co. Remember, this is your show and I am your host Lesley Southwick-Trask. See you next t ime.

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